This one isn't so great a morning. I am home now, I ended up sleeping over at my friend's place in the mountain last night. I can be very talkative around close friends, and rather reserved around not so close people. Hanging out with friends is a rare thing for me, I do it very sporadically, because I can be very intense and it can be hard work. Talking is opening up, giving and receiving too. I need resting afterwards, I will shower shortly and have a nap. Thought to get on with today's post before I lose myself to the day shortly. I'm overwhelmed by the mountain of feelings inside me that I can see, touch, and feel ever so often, even and especially when I am away from Home. We listened to Portishead and Bjork last night, I couldn't hold my tears in, but I did try to hide them. I haven't listened to Portishead since I was with Chris, years ago. I haven't realized how fragile I am still deep inside, I am running away from all those feelings, the longing, the missing, the huge void, by keeping busy. If not, than that's exactly how it felt last night, and is feeling right now. I'm simply unable to stop the crying, my heart is not vacant, it's filled with the love I have for those very few, very special people in my life. Chris is one of them, and I miss the days, our days, the nights too, with music, and his beautiful openness, his eagerness for life, his many passions, and his letting me into his world, with the music, and the lyrics, and the many sounds. Also, the sights, especially that of his gracious face.
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