Poisonous state

It's a good March morning. The air is nice and fresh, there is a cold breeze, but also the sun is shining gently. The birds are singing like their usual, I could recognize few different new sounds. It must be a sign of spring; our first in this apartment. We reach equinox again soon, it's been a little over 6 months since we've been here. The changes of cycles is beautiful to witness, when there's room. I am slowing things down today, his week has been very hectic. I'm finding myself swept away by errands, chores, jobs, and commitments. 

Cat was with me, we seem to almost always spend few moments together in the morning. Some cuddles, food serving, outside world gazing from the balcony, brushing, purring, cigarettes puffing, jumping and climbing on lap and chest, purring, coffee sipping, more purring, occasional meowing.

There was a lot to write about this week had I had the mind for it. Poor mind seems to be constantly overwhelmed. When I say constantly, I mean whenever I'm either outside, or inside with company. I miss my good old routine of doing days home alone, and then a couple of days outside weekly, to finish errands and work, and the minimal socialising needed. 

These extremes now with lockdowns, curfews and whatnot, since before the plandemic, since the so called revolution in Autumn 2019, have totally messed up with my system. All I seem to be doing is stuffing my face through these apocalyptical times, waiting for the madness to wane, or for something new to sprout, for the world to go back to being not as messed up, for our country to be less asleep. 

I started a new diet on Monday morning, I'm supposed to go cold turkey, in order to undo the damage of February and reboot my system from the last few years. Photos on laptop and old ones on my social media accounts show clearly that my body started to deteriorate approximately 5 years ago. My hair started to go bad and thinning drastically, the chronic pains, the stiffness, the sciatica, general chronic pains. It was never aging really, but living toxically. They say aging, physically, is a sign of excess toxins. I read recently somewhere defining "poison" from a shamanic point of view: Anything beyond what we need is poison. It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger or whatever. Have I been too ambitious? Have I always lead a poisonous life lead by too much passion? How does one find balance when one's very neutral state is Extreme? 

Enough musing, I shall start this day, take photos of beautifully customized jewelry pieces, with customers' names on them. Too much ego? Perhaps poison is essence!

Ah, to be alive...