Armageddon

Can hardly catch up with the madness of the world. Gotta switch between different platforms and websites and apps to get a close enough picture of the daily and sometimes hourly updates. I sleep to it, wake up to it, have break with it, and on and on it goes. I baked today, first time in almost a year, I have lost touch of time and its passing. There was no point of making cakes anymore, for whom anyway. I've lost my appetite it's been years now. Eating is for survival, and binging. I can't afford binging anymore, still, I managed to make my famous lavender lemon rice flour cake. It wasn't to be shared with family members, friends, or loved ones. There's nobody left now, only just me. I had several slices, smeared with my favorite St. Dalfour jam. It didn't taste as nearly as nice as it used to. It's not the cake, it's me.

I've got pains upon pains upon pains, physical, emotional, mental. I push through, perhaps the end is near, Iran and Israel now at war, how far can that be. 

I don't bother look for humans anymore, they've all turned. Once someone can spot me and treat me like one, I know they exist, otherwise it's zombies unite time. They say the eyes says it all, to me, words and actions, especially actions and inactions, especially words... 

I keep listening to Jeff Buckley's "All flowers in time..." song, it seems to have a cleansing effect of a sort. Reset, restart, repeat...

I've been watching Roger Waters speak up ever so passionately and loudly about Palestine and its people, against the horrid ever going injustice, it brings solace to my aching heart. I looked him up recently to find out his sign and age. Good ol' virgo, bless his soul, and 80 years old! That's what happens when you got your heart intact, you don't wither and age like the rest of 'em.

I pray day and night, 

It's getting heavier and heavier. 

I seem to switch between anger and grace, there's no third state as of late. 

I stopped seing men a good while back. 

I stopped engaging with fake friends too. 

Every time I glance in the mirror when I go to the toilet I think to myself my eyes are looker more sad by the day, but purer too... 

My single go to prayer is a supplication word, for all other words have all been worn out...

Ya Rab!