It is somewhat saddening looking back at all those past eventful years without seeing a record of them in the blog. I had to actually look through my previous posts to see whether or not I have indeed written about my artistic endeavours and bluntly shared my insecurities. I am a transparent person, but therein lies my fragility, and that's why I keep wearing a mask, portraying myself as a big and mighty girl who knows what she's doing. There is no doubt that I do most of the time, but most of the time too I lose track of my plans, and my confidence fails me, and depression gets hold of me.
I am 35 years old today, years has passed me by. So many things I wanted to do and I wanted to be, so many things I had no idea I can do, but time and again life shows me that it got other plans for me. Although I used to resist at the start, these days, I just sit back and watch. It would sound naive to say that I've learned from life, if anything, I learned that there isn't much to be learned. Life doesn't care about you and what you do or what you aim to be or where. Life goes on and you just have to be smart enough to savour each and every moment, even if those are little moments of sadness, when you realize that the pain you have been numbing yourself from feeling is the very essence of your being. You stop fighting and chasing happiness, and you enjoy that very realization.
I reached the peak of my teaching career in early 2014, it is then that I decided I wanted to quit too. Years of close encounters with all sort of people has drained me, and I knew it was time I sought solace in solitude again. I worked extensively on my online presence for business, I reinvented myself as self acclaimed jewelry artist, and I narrowed down the many lines I used to offer. Today with almost 500 sales record of customized jewelry pieces since, and nearly 100 postive reviews, I am glad to say that I have achieved something, and that the years weren't entirely wasted, alas though, I myself feel wasted, and as if parts of my soul are scattered. Two years of introversion has done me good in a way that no exposure can ever do, but it never did what I hoped it would, and that is healing myself. Today I plan on venturing on teaching again, to have a bit of both worlds in the hope that I can soothe my ever tormented introverted self.
I am 35 years old today, years has passed me by. So many things I wanted to do and I wanted to be, so many things I had no idea I can do, but time and again life shows me that it got other plans for me. Although I used to resist at the start, these days, I just sit back and watch. It would sound naive to say that I've learned from life, if anything, I learned that there isn't much to be learned. Life doesn't care about you and what you do or what you aim to be or where. Life goes on and you just have to be smart enough to savour each and every moment, even if those are little moments of sadness, when you realize that the pain you have been numbing yourself from feeling is the very essence of your being. You stop fighting and chasing happiness, and you enjoy that very realization.
I reached the peak of my teaching career in early 2014, it is then that I decided I wanted to quit too. Years of close encounters with all sort of people has drained me, and I knew it was time I sought solace in solitude again. I worked extensively on my online presence for business, I reinvented myself as self acclaimed jewelry artist, and I narrowed down the many lines I used to offer. Today with almost 500 sales record of customized jewelry pieces since, and nearly 100 postive reviews, I am glad to say that I have achieved something, and that the years weren't entirely wasted, alas though, I myself feel wasted, and as if parts of my soul are scattered. Two years of introversion has done me good in a way that no exposure can ever do, but it never did what I hoped it would, and that is healing myself. Today I plan on venturing on teaching again, to have a bit of both worlds in the hope that I can soothe my ever tormented introverted self.
