I just wanted to touch base, I haven't lost myself in the hustle and bustle of life, quite the opposite. I haven't been blogging much because I'm too busy being inside my world, feeling, sensing, understanding, knowing. It takes a great amount of work to do the energy work required to get centered, grounded, and remain aware, most especially during these exceptional times.
I came to a realization that I'm writing only just for me, truly. This isn't a battle of me against the system or the norm imposed by the society, or any person and their actions or words against mine. This isn't to repel the messed up traditions or to fight the backward ways of thinking, living, being. This truly is me with me (not even againt me). Me and me don't always need words, sometimes it's merely a knowing, a feeling, simply.
I don't bother say much these days, I very rarely and occasionally encounter people, and when I do, it's constant work inside. I've grown so accustomed to the energetically hygienic way of existing; clear thoughts, loving and accepting feelings. I can't tolerate the messiness of people's emotions anymore, and their accompanying toxic thoughts, and sheer lack of awareness. I require presence these days, and when it's not available, as is often the case, I keep myself scarce.
All the pain that I have ever endured in my lifetime was strictly caused by people's lack of presence. It is no surprise that I can't deal with abscent minded people anymore, with their shriveled souls...
But I don't judge anymore either, nor this is to put myself on a higher level of any sort, or in a better place of any kind. I just truly need to discern and identify things, and keep clear my energy and space, so that I can keep doing this and not lose myself totally again like I have done so repeatedly and ever so often since this adult life journey has begun.
The book remains to be written, but only if I manage to find the voice that I can use to write it with. There can be no judgments, victimhood, blaming, shaming, or anger. Once and if I ever find a way to use the tool of words to reflect exactly the presence and peace I currently live through, then it can be done. There are many stories to be told, the question remains if I could become the storyteller, without the need for the old bruised self to step in for wanting to be seen or heard.
So many stories to be told, and I wish to remove the I from them. I might be able to achieve that, perhaps with more time spent in this solitude and minimalist living.
The story of this post was supposed to be originally about the continuous tremors we've been feeling for a year now, since last February and the Turkey earthquake. The ground is constantly shaking but nobody seems to be bothered, thought the significance of this is quite huge, and very symbolic. The original post that I had discarded back then had somehow turned into a bitter one, as I contemplated on people's unconsciousness and oblivion to the dangerous happenings to our lives, the constant tempering with our lands, skies, and bodies, and all of the big picture!
I got angry at people like I often do, and so I stopped myself from finishing or posting that post. I was not going to do frustration, judging, or seperation any longer. I do however chose to constantly and regularly detach myself, for the work or effect I used to think I might be able to do or have on people was all a mere imagination, I can be dangerously creative this way. Everyone's still indeed in their own bubble...
Minutes prior to writing this post we had a stronger shake than the usual. Although it's a bank holiday, the streets are mad with traffic this morning and the sounds of incredibly angry people. I wonder if they noticed the shake, or if again it was just me versus me.
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