Insane (pain)

I cried all day. When I didn't, I spoke to myself outloud. Then I spoke to Yasmina outloud, as if she was in front of me. Except she wasn't her current age. She was 8, and 5, and 3, and 2... She was baby too. I cradled her and sung her baby song for her... 

ياسمينا حبيبي شو بحبك انا 

ياسمينا طبيبي انت كل المنى

شو بحبك حياتي بدوب فيكي انا

ياسمينا حبيبي انت كل المنى

I said outloud her favorite words, her first words. I had a long conversation with her, we laughed at ourselves and at each other. 

I said goodbye, the 100th time, and I cried some more. 

I'm writing so not to lose my mind completely, I'm here, I do exist, I haven't fully disappeared. I'm in pain, it's OK to grieve. This shall pass... 

If at all.