Big fat liar

Things have slowed down lately. My mind is not racing anymore, I am sitting still with my aching heart, in the here and the now.

A human being's survival instinct is too strong, it must be, for how else can one explain leading a life without the most crucial need; safety.

I've only come to terms with my itching need to feel safe recently, after encountering a brief moment of being contained, supported, truly.

It felt as though it was a part of those vivid dreams I have, where the reality element is striking.

I am in between worlds and realms, my reality keep changing by the moment.

I am certain about one thing, that all I have been doing all those decades past, was defying who I am at the center.

I am a big fat liar, I am not strong nor independant, I am not self sufficient, nor a pioneer. I am a starved giver, I am lacking a million things, and often times, like these days, I feel like I could collapse any minute. And the thought of leaving this existence would be the only thing that brings joy to my heart...