Kun faya kun

Here comes August, and the heartaches. I've been focusing on drafting the book since the start of the year, writing whatever chapters and paragraphs I manage to write. I keep looking at the photos, I keep reading the diaries. I need to recollect the memories. I'm shattered like the stories and the memories, and I see the reality in a hundred different ways each day. The narrative keeps changing, I am between several different worlds. 

I cried all day, stopping briefly while Yasmina painted on my face with her new Japanese watercolour paints. I needed soothing and comfort, I listened to Kun faya Kun most of the day, it brought warmth to my heart. I'm crying all I had to part with this year thus far, the people, the friendships, the relationships, the connections. 

I'm crying the beautiful people, their souls, their entrapment, their demons. I'm crying their ego, their trauma, their unconsciousness, their forgetfulness. I'm crying humanity's need to control, I'm crying all the fears, and the illusions. 

Despite the many different tools and mediums I have to express myself, I simply haven't been able to let things out. I'm choking up on the words, the thoughts, the realizations, the truths. Hands are oh so stiff too... 

I'm growing further apart yet equally closer to the people with every new moment. My heart bursts and shatters a hundred times in a day, from too much love and too much pain. 

How oh how can I possibly finish that book when I keep living and ending new chapters ever so frequently, without being able to get even close to reaching the core of my characters!

Hush now my heart, August ends soon, I will make it up to you in Autumn. I promise to write your story so that whoever touched you can finally believe it and grasp it when they see it written. Perhaps too they would remember to connect to their heart. And I pray... 

Oh hearts of all those I loved and love, won't you please stay present, won't you please keep alive. Take over all else, all senses, all thoughts, all organs, all realms...

This is such a brief visitation, and time is running out. 

Thank you world for the written word, thank you fingers for the typing, thank you internet, thank you awareness, thank you music, thank you musicians, thank you tabla, thank you rythm, thank you sweet sweet pain, and thank you mighty faith. 

Kun faya kun faya kun faya kun faya kun faya kun faya kun

Be and it is... 

Amen.