If I manage to turn things around and have life work with me, not against me, I'll gain my wisdom of past, and get in touch with my core again, my passion, my true calling.
If I manage to detach from the pain and leave behind, outgrow it, shed it like an old skin, I will remember who I once was.
People kept asking me about Travelling since the start of the whole madness 4 years ago, and I kept saying, I want to stay. Different men invited me over to their different places in different countries and I always declined. I had no intention in Travelling whatsoever. I still don't, but there's this itching, life calling, detaching from everything that is backwards and hindering and all setbacks.
I miss freedom like a very old friend whom I thought I forgot but the mention of him visiting revives all that's been buried, and then I see him as though we never parted.
I'm a gypsy, but I stayed put for so long, in order to grow roots, in the home, for the child that needed containing. Now that she's long gone, will I remember who I once once before all the nesting was due?!
Perhaps this is what's needed now, even less bounds to the place, less things, less weights. Free, light, and roaming. Perhaps then the art will flow again. Through change, variety, constant move. Like the olden days... Like my young and wild self.
Will I get the courage of old again? I do not know for now, but I know what isn't working...
Ill give this and myself more time, to adjust and reroot, if it's meant to be.
If not, the roads are calling.
Despite the madness,
The world chaos,
And the absence of any security on any piece of land.
But if it's my spirit's calling,
I must heed the call,
For what's the point of this existence otherwise.
(Either that, or I'm just losing my mind, in a different format now.)
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