The aftermath

Sometimes memories resurface to the front of my mind and I am remembered of certain words some people said to me in the past. Sometimes these words are those of the people who were once closest to me and dearest to my heart. Sometimes these words were uttered towards the end of the relationship, other times in the beginning, and sometimes in the middle of it; during heated moments, but also in peaceful times. I recall such events with utmost clarity and my heart goes out to me and them.

Just how their fragmented self and its inhabited demons kept telling them about me to distort an integrated, whole and loving reality. Keeping them stuck in their constructed hell realm, safe from my heavenly threat, and at the same attempting to fabricate a hellish field inside of me too, Trojan horse style, while oblivion prevailed.

I used to cry a lot, these days I don't. There might be some residue here or there, but after long years of grief, there's not much left now, and the road back to self love has been cleared, and I have been granted release.

I no longer attempt to defend the truth, or my image, or the reality, or the actual facts, or the narrative anymore. I listen to them acutely telling the stories and re-living their own versions of the events in real time, without interfering. I observe, I take mental notes, and I keep to my cleansed inner space, letting them to whatever world they choose to sustain at any given moment. 

This is my new love language at this stage, a sane love that doesn't attach, nor co-depend. 

I bless me and them in all of our choices and actions, and the repercussions of it all, for indeed we are all masters of our fate.

I tend to my inner baby and give it all the mightly love and the most gentle care it so badly needed and never got.

On that note, I plan on finally taking the blood type test soon, for that is indeed the beginning of it all, and it has been truly a very long time coming!

I will take it literally baby steps from here onwards. There is so much this baby needs, and there is a so much this woman has to give. 

Come now baby girl, time to start creating. We're working our hands on some new jewelry pieces today, we will eat light, and we will go on a whimsical walk in hellish streets keeping to our safe inner heaven, and the entertaining self chatters. I love you so!