Compartmentalisation

With the change of seasons, the end of cycles, certain truths are usually revealed. 
I lived my whole life distrusting my hunch, confusing it for projections, or subjective, pain filtered reality.
This is no longer the case, as new realms were very clearly and directly revealed to me this summer past. 
I was overcome with joy and sadness at it happening, a new level of trust relationship with myself was formed, and a big baggage of fake, distorted, and twisted old concepts was let go of.

The same happens on a micro level, with the passing of the days, after each night; at dawn, secrets are very clearly revealed. I have always been an early morning person, life seems to be much more fathomable to me when the world was asleep and quiet. I could better connect with the idea of our existence, and make sense of my own.

The hustle and bustle of life, the people, all the actions, the noise, seems to be very confusing and distorting to me, as nothing of it ever made sense. The talking and the indoctrination and the philosophies seems to always be missing the essence of life, in the way I see it.

This blog is an attempt to connect with so many of which I have lived my whole life blocking out. Realities within realities, drawing a picture of the complexity of being a human, a woman, and a mother, at this time and age. 

My morning writing ritual was supposed to help me unblock and unlock a lot of my own resistance, a life long of avoiding processing trauma, dissecting pain, and applying understanding to it. 

Every time I fail to convey what I wish to say, think or achieve, mentally and with words, like now, and most other blog posts, especially the ones non written, I come face to face with the realization that I'm still far behind restoring my default setting. 

I can't remember the last time my mind was sharp and straight, though heart is always on point. 

I wish to connect with the words again, and perhaps in ways I've never used before, in order to convey what's inside my head, and to help my head compartmentalise what's outside of it.