The TV was sold within hours from listing it on the dubizzle app - that was my groceries shopping money for the week, I was grateful. The dining table has been listed for few weeks, It doesn't look like it will sell anytime soon, although the price is ridiculously small. How very symbolic though, I was not surprised. Sitting around the table, eating together, conversing, connecting is for sure out of fashion. Everybody needs a screen these days, gather around the new God, with your plate in your lap, watch a fake life happening on a screen, instead of living an actual one.
The dining table was the very first piece of furniture I bought when I had started furnishing our new place back in 2018, after the separation decision, and the new life. Our newly rented place was massive in comparison to our studio then, and I was very excited about the table. I naively thought I would be able to gather us; Sunday lunches, birthday dinners, celebrations, big occasions, eventless days and evenings... No point of the past now, only just recollection of memories, and gathering of new insights and lessons, to move forward to the next new chapter.
I am excited about the downsizing, all I seem to be doing since I got to this place is house chores, it sure is made for a big family. I need a small place that contains me without the extras. A studio, an open kitchen style, a tiny apartment. I need to live the minimalistic life I was cut out for, a simple and humble place that doesn't add nor take away anything from me. I keep looking for apartments, it's going to be either in the heart of Beirut, or in a totally far away city or town altogether. I hope to leave here by the end of my lease, end of August, but how oh how can this happen, when the attack is so very constant and ahead of me. Last one was the Gods of the Internet one, on July 13th. The 13th again, very nicely played, hah! I just really need to up my game.
Instagram page was taken down, just like that. They wouldn't let me dispute it or access it. Was it random? I very much doubt it. But now what, after the website was gone, after the etsy shop and my access to Etsy as a seller... Instagram was the straw that broke the camel's back. Now there's only WhatsApp, and even that, I'm resiting it so badly. I donwloaded the whatsapp business app anyway, and built my catalog like a mad woman in no time, at the shock of losing all my customers in a glance. It was a wake up call too, built a life around the internet, now I now better. After that, I thought to myself, now I just sit and wait for a miracle. I had been so very frustrated since that day, but I figured soon after the game at play. I must adjust my sail...
Still, I need a miracle.
If I hadn't survived the most excruciating pain in the last 5 years, and especially this year, I think I would have lost it totally at the recent events. Everything I have worked for most of my adult life crushed and evaporated. Relationships, work, connections, home... Not even survival level now, can't even keep that, I have to fight for the very breath - and space - I take. It isn't just a fight within my myself, but also have to fight them back, for they won't let me be. That pain has awakened me. It isn't possible that what I'm encountering is God's creations. There is a powerful force at play, and a manipulation of reality. There are distortions, and glitches...
I have awakened.
I don't bother myself with the obsessive thinking of the future anymore; the move, the bills, the roof over my head. I think about them and then let them go, the answers will come when they come, so will the miracle. I don't worry about this world that the so called humans have shaped and keep on altering so unconsciously anymore, I now focus on the one thing that has proven to be solid and reliable throughout this lifetime; my heart, my core, my connection to source. Heart is still pumping, the pain is a blessing. I am, I am, I am.
I disconnected myself from all else; nuisance, parasites, distractions. Screen time, fake connections and attempts at humanness. Phone is on airplane mode most of the time, except briefly throughout the day. I grew so very tired of the so called people, they watch my pain in amazement, they marvel at my brokeness, they smile at my misery. All those years, I thought there was something wrong with me, or my own people. Now I know better. I have to birth myself anew, the money isn't through the screen for me anymore. How, when, with what, I have absolutely no idea, I am just heeding the new call. I know not what to do, but I know what not to do for now. I will take things one step at a time.
Identifying the kinds of zombies is my latest thing at this stage, which is also helping me with the what not to do department. I have thus far identified three different kinds of them. The vaccinated, the junkie, the system slave. Within these, there are different branches too, but I won't get into that just now. Often time too, more than 1 kind is found in the same person.
1- The vaccinated: I went on a thorough research recently on the affect of the vaccine on people. There's a lot of information, an overwhelmingly amount in fact, on the affect on the brain and DNA, but that's for another time. I was particularly interested in what happens on the heart chakra level. Those who have died or are dying from heart diseases are one thing. Those who make it alive, they go on living with their heart chakra totally blocked, their heart closed off. Closed off from source, closed off from the other. I needn't say more for now...
2- The junkie: They have been so high for so long that they opened themselves up to all sorts of interactions between different realms, and they lost control of things. They've been using most of their life, and the brain doesn't function properly anymore. There is fire in them still but it's very self centered, they're unable to feel the other. They have lost touch with reality long ago, they can not be in the here and now, they fail to connect.
3- The system slave: It is the one who is continuously hooked to the phone, and the apps, keeps watching and scrolling, the cable TV, the mainstream news, the big pharma, the banks, the parties, the family, the religion, the hierarchy, the traditions, the money making machines. For those, no matter what they've seen happen in the world, their attention and focus is on the rebuilding of what was briefly lost in their opinion. Life to be back to "normal" again, the hopeful beginnings, the happy endings. They can not exist outside of the system, they do not wish to think for themselves, their soul is nowhere to be found, played like puppets from a very long time ago. They are the ones who conformed to all institutions from the start; schools, colleges, work places, marriages, status. They are the ones who adhered to lock downs, first in line to get the vaccine, to follow rules, to abide by the system, to distance themselves, to do the disconnection.
One thing in common I have found between all the three kinds is unresolved childhood trauma. These adults are run by their wounded inner child. Anything to distract them from the excessive emotions they once felt and couldn't process as kids. To them, the vaccine is a rescuer, the drug is a solution, the system is a savior. They simply can not exist with full sovereignty or self accountability. Authority is the answer to any turmoil. Escape is their only way of existing. Disconnection and detachment is paramount to them, though the appearances they keep say something else.
Identifying the zombies have helped me identify what went so very badly wrong with my life, in the recent years in particular, but also the big picture from the start. I have kept until the very last moment dealing with people in my life as humans, friends and family, and random strangers that I cared for and connected with. This is where I got it so very wrong, and this is why things went in the wrong direction for me. I was dealing with a next level zombie phenomena, I was just not aware of it. I always knew that this was coming, I just did not see it happen so fast, and so I missed it. But now there is no where else to look, but straight in the face of this joke of a life game, and to see who's being played and what!
Do not take it personal, I keep telling myself, and that too has helped immensely.
This isn't about me and my poor life and misfortunes and bad luck anymore, this is only just one tiny teeny part of the pig picture, a most dangerous game at play in human history. A distortion like no other and nobody's there to witness and notice.
Everybody's soul has already been at trade, the bodies are merely only just that, and they are in the process of becoming less of human bodies and more of machines, the more hooked they are to the system, the more reliant on the Other for living.
And I won't begin to talk about those who have different kinds in them, for instance a zombie that is a system slave and has been vaccinated, or a vaccinated junkie, or a system slave junkie...
You only need to stare in their eyes, or to see what makes smile or cry, to know just how far gone they are.
This is a next level of writing altogether, but this has got to come out, things have escalated badly.
This isn't a fight against me, this isn't personal.
I shall watch and document,
and when I have better news,
I will report.
In the meantime, I keep praying...
I have no hope, but I have faith.
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