That was your initial experience when encountering others as a lone child with a single mother. I get it. But then came school... Again, it consumed you. The fun and the pain, should've been taken with a pinch of salt. Just like in the playground, we were always supposed to come home from it at the end of the day, nothing of it would become part of you or our life. But the pain overwhelmed you, and you disconnected from me. You see, that's exactly how they wanted it, the powers that be. The system in place is meant to break the kid's spirit and damage them to life, only it's made appear to do the opposite. One must always decipher and discern.
I made you understand things from a very young age, and it wasn't so hard as you were smart, inquisitive, and receptive. I respected you and your mind, I honored your spirit, no brainwashing of any kind or silly stupid lies. I remained connected with you throughout. Our connection was our overriding of the system. But then it became too hard for you to balance both worlds, you became less and less of who you are at home, and at school, and less and less of your naturally, source connected, happy self, at school, and as a result, anywhere else.
Again, you became absorbed by it, when you were supposed to only just be observing. I was with you to remind all the time, that our own perception was the landing. Take off, but come back to this, so not to lose yourself. Because I too had your struggle, and the system is continuously trying to crush me, and I keep working on my perception. Get back, come back, re-center, re-adjust, re-align. It's what I keep saying to myself too, though not always with words.
None of all the pain they inflicted on you, adults and kids, was ever personal. None of the good parts were ever personal either. Not for you, not for me, not for any one else, not now, not eons of years before us, not even the ones after us. We're here to witness... Not get transformed by it, if anything, that glitch should be our reminder, of our destiny eventually, and of this though appearing long, but a very brief human journey.
Me becoming the enemy to you, the source of all your problems, the cause of all troubles, is exactly what the system wants, and does. Girl, we don't play by their rules! How could you forget? You slipped.
Get back in charge of your mind, they're messing with it badly, don't let them. Don't stay glued to the screen. Watch what you're watching! Tools I've given you have turned into poison. Clear up, de-clutter, shape up. Don't ask for any body's help anymore, not even mine. Because guess what, you don't actually need it, you're way too strong. Any opposite thought is their doing too!
When your mind turned me into the obstacle and burden, I mean, I from all the people in your life, I knew I lost you to system. That rebellious state turned against me, and the ego games, were such a classic move by the way. Don't think any of it was that original. But you had to do what you had to do, and I too had to let you go, and let you be.
Except, like I always say, you don't fight darkness, you just bring in the light. Remember that one? Removing darkness is a futile concept. You only just ever need bring in the light, or some light at all. If I was the darkness, you needn't fight me, you only just ever needed to follow your bliss instead. If the pain and the past was so dark, you only just need to remember to follow your bliss, go the opposite, or any other direction instead. Years spent fighting in the darkness, you only just needed to get up and turn on the light.
What was it that brought you ease, happiness, comfort, joy? Bring that instead to your life, that's how to eliminate the darkness... Otherwise, you'd drown in it, it consumes you. And it did.
I know exactly what your ego is screaming at you while reading this.
Shut the bastard! Contain it and tame it already, won't you please! It isn't my baby. You are, heart centered, not that silly mind and whatever got inside it at whatever stage uninvited.
The ego too is the product of the system. You see, first they crush the kids' spirit and individuality, then they push them to build a fake persona through pain, via ego as adolescents, making sure their adulthood is totally contaminated, bereft from real soul, in preparation for their machinizing. Inverted everything is their trick. You fell into the trap. But that's OK because guess what? It could all be undone, in one moment, one decision. All it takes, is a mere simple choice. All else follows...
That's the only thing they couldn't and would never be able to hack - though they can get to the mind - and that is FREE WILL! Our God given most precious, ever flowing, limitless gift, nobody and nothing could possibly take that away from us. You know what we could achieve with it? Anything and whatever you ever desire...
We're limitless baby girl, unchain your mind, let it soar and wander again like it naturally does in its original setting. You are indeed free, any opposing concept to that, is merely a perception, not even your own. Just drop the weight, get up, and rise. Keep playing, only you choose your avatar this time around. Change it as frequently as you like, and then some more. Explore, venture, learn, observe, have fun, play, and play, and play, but then come home at the end of each day. Don't you stray away!!!
I'm so very tired baby girl, a lifetime of this, my own personal solo continuous fight as a baby, child, adolescent, adult, and then, as your parent.
And a decade today since you started slipping away...
But I shall never ever never ever ever stop.
I'll see you on the other side.
I hope you make it Home soon.
I missed you.
(Not the avatar.)
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