Oblivion in the city of ghosts

In the devil's lair, the only hopeful thing to do is ditching hope itself.

You see him in the eyes of everyone, you sense him in the empty smiles, in the fake words, in the silence, even in the void. He did not leave anything or anyone out, and why would he, this is his home after all. 

The grieving is not over what was, or what got lost, or what could've been, it is accepting that all if this life and its intricacies, even its rarest blissful moments, is only a facade.

"The biggest trick the devil played" indeed...

When you think you managed to unclench its grab on you, you find yourself in another trap. On and on it goes. There is food, and there is drink, and there are substances, pleasures, temptations, fake hope, numbing illusions, and all sorts of distractions. 

I see his face with that smirk, I hear his giggles, and that very loud and the most evil laugh...

Fuck you anyway, you lousy pathetic lowley parasitical fraud!

Try as you might,

You do not fool me! 

Cheers to another round of battles, 

This is personal now.

Bleak

I contemplated today the fastest and less chaotic way to take one's own life. I thought the floor of the bathroom with running water would be ideal. Cutting wrists perhaps, but I would hate a slow one. I must research the topic and get well informed. I will surely clear the place thoroughly and tidy up all of my belongings and make it as effortless as easy to clean up after I'm gone. I would leave the door unlocked, and would make it easy to be spotted so that there won't be any foul smells after an unnecessary passing of time. 

I contemplated today at the fucked up genes that run in the family, and all those I've encountered closely, and the narcissism that's so fucking evasive, and all that trauma that has infested the systems in those around me. I stared in my mind at their empty, glass eyes and the way they look right through me, and my pain, and my pleas...

I'm never going to be a burden, but I also feel that there is no point in this whole existence anymore. 

I'm tired from the survival mode, my system is cracking, my mind is fried, my heart is broken, and I ache all over. 

My whole life wasn't just a lie, it was a fucking lame joke! 

It's getting worse by the day, and what's the fucking point!? 

There is none.

Adiós, suckers!

If only!

But then again, 

perhaps maybe...